Strange title for a blog, right? It comes from my Jam of the week right now – “Blood & Tears” by Joseph.
Side note: you will probably find throughout the blog, you can always decipher my (Nicki’s) posts from Marshall’s depending on how many music references there are…
We have already touched on a lot of the physical ‘unrefining’ that we have gone through in the last few years, but I thought it only fair that we spend a minute on the mental unrefining we’ve gone through as well. If you decided to pull up this song while you read this (which I highly recommend), you’ll hear lyrics something like this:
“Don’t cover our tracks
We’ll say it wasn’t easy
No, it was never easy
And when we look back
They’ll wonder how we got here
Tell them how we got here
It was blood and tears
Blood and tears
It’s how we got here”
Granted, this song is about relationships, but I promise there’s are enough layers there to peel back a pretty awesome message.
When I was initially diagnosed, my tumor was measuring at a Stage 3 or 4. For 2 weeks, I lived with that fact until surgery proved I was only a Stage 1A. Then 6 months later, an MRI showed what looked to be a 3.7cm Metastatic Tumor on my liver, alarming the doctors enough to whisper ‘6 months to live’ as a warning. Not only did we live with that for 4 weeks, this time we decided to keep it to ourselves as to not alarm our family. Finally, numerous scans wonderfully revealed it was a different kind of tumor. In those moments, I received the greatest earthly gifts I’ve ever been given.
Perspective
Suddenly, SO many things didn’t matter to me. Suddenly, SO many things DID matter to me. Those are the moments and mindsets that I pray I will never forget.
In the world today, I think we’ve been trained to either live perfectly – don’t show anyone the struggle, but show them how you’ve got it all together. OR to live victimized – prove to everyone that life has happened TO you and that you can’t change it. I was balancing both of these lives on a daily basis. However, as you begin to unrefine your life, I highly encourage you to take note of those lyrics – DON’T COVER OUR TRACKS, IT WAS NEVER EASY.
Friends, Life is HARD. Don’t hide your struggle. Be honest with yourself and each other. Don’t be afraid to tell it like it is.
When I recently asked Marshall what the most noticeable change in me has been, he really surprised me.
“You’re really laid back”
Um, excuse me. I’ve always been cool, calm and collected! Ha…Right?
His follow up explanation was that I used to stress about all the little things – the imperfect things, the unplanned things, the things that I can’t change.
Guys. I am NOT the only person in the world who has gone through cancer. I wasn’t the first, I won’t be the last and, let’s be honest, I might even have to do it again. But that’s OKAY. That’s LIFE.
Be REAL with each other. Be TRANSPARENT about who you are. “Tell them how we got here.”
UNREFINE yourself, your life, and your story….. so then you can REFINE yourself. REFINE your life. REFINE your story.
